04.01.03
How to make a big depression with your
turbo-diesel.
By
C.J. Baker
Who
says hot rodding diesels isn’t rocket science?
At Banks, we take maximum performance very seriously.
We look at every avenue to increase power and reliability.
Here are the results of a few of our extensive test
programs.
In
1962, Banks engineer Werner “Big Bang” Krepps
began his search for ways to boost performance in gas
and diesel engines by increasing combustion temperatures.
Realizing that acetylene and oxygen made an exceptionally
hot fire after accidentally burning off the toe of
his boot with an acetylene torch, Krepps began his
research by igniting plastic garbage bags filled with
various mixtures of the two gases. Unfortunately, his
research was tragically cut short by an unexpected
gust of wind that blew one of the bags back into Krepps'
dangling cigarette. Smoking killed Krepps on the spot
(well actually a lot of spots), instantly earning his
new nickname posthumously from his co-workers. A no
smoking policy was immediately implemented by management.
By
company mandate, research on fuel additives was prohibited
until 1982. Actually, the ban wasn’t lifted, but
nobody remembered the Big Bang episode by then so research
quietly resumed. Race Shop manager “Honest John” Bombastian
was looking for a way to get more power from his Saturday
night stock car that wouldn’t be detected during
tech inspection. He had visions of finding a super
fuel additive and starting his own company. Rumors
of propylene oxide use by NASCAR Grand National racers
found their way to Bombastian, who decided to make
tests of his own. Unfortunately, Honest John did not
have a good memory for chemical names and wound up
buying a quantity of propylene glycol that he immediately
mixed with his racing gasoline. His car passed tech
inspection, but unfortunately, it wouldn’t start.
Bombastian left Banks a short time later to go into
business selling anti-freeze for automotive cooling
systems. Nobody knows where he got the idea.
Real,
company authorized, scientific research into diesel
fuel additives resumed in ’87. Banks hired a petrochemist,
Jesus “Twitchy” Delburto, to do research
into derivatives of the rocket fuel hydrazine, and
nitromethane racing fuel. Both of these fuels showed
great promise but experimentation was terminated after
Delburto mysteriously failed to return from a secret
test session in the desert. Nearby residents reported “sonic
booms” in the area, but Banks spokesman and public
relations manager, Richard “Slippery Dick” (don't
ask) Pulaski, denied any relationship to the Banks
test and a new “meteor crater” discovered
north of Pahrump, Nevada.
Fuel
additive research was again terminated in the late ‘80s
as the company concentrated on manufacturing power
systems for gas and diesel pickups and motorhomes.
Banks feels that adequate power and performance is
now achievable without fuel additives. However, since
kerosene (a fuel remarkably similar to diesel) and
liquid oxygen comprised the fuel of the original World
War II V-2 rockets, the idea of injecting liquid oxygen
into a diesel engine has been discussed for the ’03
Bonneville speed trials. Applications are now being
accepted for a researcher. Only non-smoking, unemployed
rocket scientists with no close family ties and steady
hands need apply.
April
fool!
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